Why isn't Love so simple?
by orchids' dream
Summary: How does it feel when u fall in love with someone who got over you?A lily/ james Story.
1. Chapter 1

**Why isn't Love so simple?**

Disclaimer- I don't own any harry potter characters

What's happening to me and why is this happening? Have I been too vain in thinking that he will always be there- asking me out, devoting most of his leisure time in stalking me...Irritating me.

Wasn't this my first and foremost wish that he should leave me alone? Then why am I feeling like this as if someone stole my most precious possession from me.

Why my eyes always turn towards him whenever he enters the room.

Why is he occupying all the space in my mind? The space which should be filled with studies, exams and my head duties instead of the head boy himself.

Why I get jealous of everyone he talks to? Why me who prided herself in her cool and calm nature gets all jittery and shy whenever he is in the same room as me or even when his name is mentioned..

Why god why?

Why his not talking to me is creating such havoc in my orderly world? Why am I craving for just one word, one glance from him.

He is a prat, proud and an arrogant toe rag for Merlin's sake! Not any more- My heart whispered to me..

I had to admit it He has changed..Since that incident in fifth year by the lake when I lost my best friend, not once he had hexed any innocent bystander. Though he and his friends called "The Marauders" pulled occasional pranks but they were harmless and funny.

U have to admit it they have got style. Even professor McGonagall find them funny, Though she has given them the highest number of detentions, I have seen her lips twitching at their every prank.

He has also not once asked me out..What's so important in that? He used to do that every hour of a day for Merlin's sake... and to top this all why are my friends looking at me with pity in their eyes.

Oh Merlin!

I am pathetic. This was what I wanted and when I finally got that why am not enjoying it.

Merlin don't tell me after all these years of his stalking me .I finally fell for him and that too after he got over me..Wow great...he'll definitely feel triumph that he finally got me to love him.

Yes...

I Lily Evans finally admit that I have fallen in love with James Potter..

The only problem is that he finally got over me..

**Why isn't Love so simple?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter-2**

**Disclaimer: ** I don't own any Harry Potter characters.

I had heard a lot about Hogwarts before coming here. My imagination had created a beautiful picture of dreamland and fairytales for Hogwarts.

I do believe that my creative imaginations are quite exotic… But Hogwarts was way beyond my imagination…The first sight of Hogwarts from the boat ride which we took in first year made me speechless.

Hogwarts with its shiny towers and awesome sight as always had that effect on people. But what was truly exhilarating about it was the magic which we learnt over here.

Hogwarts in itself seemed to thrive on magic…Its wall seemed to vibrate with the core of magic…Even after all these years Hogwarts never stopped mesmerizing me…

I have always enjoyed being at Hogwarts. I enjoyed going to classes. We got a lot to learn from them. I made some great friends over here and I lost some great friends too.

When I first came to Hogwarts I was so excited…

Sev (my ex best friend) had told me a lot about it before we came here. He was the one to tell me that I was a witch. We used to talk for hours by the swing in the playground near my home.

We spent our every afternoon talking about magic, Hogwarts and other stuff about the magical world .He used to say- "Lily don't worry, u will be the best out there". He used to assuage all my fears about not being able to fit in the magical community. It was so easy to talk to him back then.

How naïve I was to even think that life will continue to be the same... sailing smoothly… how wrong I was. At first it was fine, even with us being in different houses. We used to spend all our free time together. But gradually we became a bit busy in our day to day lives. I got some awesome friends by the name of Alice Prewett, Marlene McKinnon and Dorcas Meadows. Severus started hanging out with some creepy slytherins.

Over the years I tried my level best to continue being friends with Sev. I even turned a blind eye and ear to all the things my friends said about him.

But that day by the lake after the OWL paper we lived the moment which was the turning point in our relationship. I don't know whether my decision was right or wrong. But I couldn't take it anymore. He was my best friend. My childhood friend…a friend I trusted and cared for the most…That day I realized by bestowing simple feelings of trust and care, how much power you give someone over you. Just one word which came out of his mouth crushed my heart to death.

He had always been a safe harbor in the world where I had to fight to fit in.

In the muggle world, at my own house I had to bear the cruel words from my sister, whom I loved dearly, for being a witch or in her words a freak.

In the magical world some pschycos considered people from my origin (i.e. muggleborns) not worthy of magic. The magical world was living in a period of war. Voldemort was out there with his deatheaters planning and plotting the killings of people like me, people they called mudblood.

Sev had always been there for me. He was there to offer me his shoulder to cry whenever I couldn't bear Petunia's words any more. He was there to encourage me whenever I had doubts on my magical abilities…

That day I lost everything…My trust, my friendship and my safe harbor. And of course I cannot remember this incident without James…he was there…partially it was his fault that I lost my friend. He was the one who had humiliated him to this level…and I was very angry at him.

All my pain got turned into anger which I directed towards him when he came to me that night.

I remember each and every detail of that night.

"I can't pretend anymore. You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine." – I said to Severus.

"No—listen, I didn't mean—"

"—to call me Mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?"

He struggled on the verge of speech, but I had to go back soon. I was on the verge of tears and I my self -respect wouldn't allow me to show him how much he had hurt me. With a last look which I hope showed him how much he disgusted me, I climbed back to the portrait hole… It was empty. well almost empty. James potter was sitting on the chair by the fireplace staring at the burning logs. His face was hidden in the shadows.

Pushing back tears, I tried to hurry up towards the stairs leading towards the girl's dormitory. He was the last person in the world whom I wanted to see at the moment… I started to tiptoe when suddenly a hand blocked my path…

Potter was standing there in front of him and there was an odd sort of look in his eyes.

"Lilly"- he said. This was the first time ever he called me by my name instead of the usual Evans.

I was shocked and he continued- "How are you? I am sorry for whatever happened. I never meant to hurt you- But that vile creature—he was not good for you. You should be happy to get rid of him."

How dare he? The most irritating person in the school who was always engaged in pranking people with his blasted friend Black, a person who just hexed people for fun, was teaching me who was good enough for me to be friends with. He the epitome of arrogance and his taunting was the reason that I no longer had my best friend with me. My pain coulpled with his harsh words doubled my anger and I lashed out to him.

"Who the hell do you think you are Potter? You are the most insufferable person in this world. You are the reason for all my pain and you think you did me a favor -

"Lily please listen-I just wanted—"

"No you listen Potter…Do you think it's quite funny to ask me out every moment you see me.. Do you think I find it quite gratifying? Hello no! You have always annoyed me to death…But I didn't retaliated. But what you did today I'll never ever forgive you for that."

"Lily I am sorr—" James tried to apologize but I didn't gave him any chance.

"Don't you dare say Sorry – Do u think everything will be right just because you said sorry. Do u think just because _The great James Potter_ apologized ,I'll forgive you and fall head over heels in love with you—No potter it'll never happen. I hate you James Potter "…

"Lily "- He was looking at me with shock and something else in his eyes which I couldn't recognize. But I wasn't finished.

"Just because you have made asking me out as your favorite hobby doesn't mean that I'll fall in your trap. Hell! I don't even want to see your face ever again.-Any person with even one ounce of decency will leave me alone…But this is too much to ask from you- right?"

I stopped for a while to catch my breath; James was standing still as a statue.

I had just one thing left to say- "Potter let me make this very clear to you-You'll be the last man on the earth with whom I'll like to go on a date. I Lily Evans will never fall for you Potter..NEVER"

With this I stormed towards the stairs leading to my dorm leaving him behind. Remus Lupin was standing near the stairs staring in shock. When I tried to pass him, he just said one thing to me—"For the first time in his life, James really was sorry lily—for making _you_ upset"

I didn't paid any attention to him. I entered my room. All my friends were sleeping. I didn't wanted to wake anyone. I wanted to be alone … To wallow in pain…I climbed my bed and cried myself to sleep.

When I woke up in the morning. There was a note on my table with a yellow gerbera.

The note said—

"_I promise you'll never again be upset because of me lily"_

_Take care_

_James Potter_

That was two years ago. I can remember all my words as clear as crystal— _"You'll be the last man on the earth with whom I'll like to go on a date. I Lily Evans will never fall for you Potter..NEVER" _and today I was hopelessly in love with him but now he didn't had even one single glance to spare for me.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter-3

Note: I don't own any harry potter characters.

"Oh God…please ...please don't let professor McGonagall enter the class before I reach there"- I prayed to God while gasping for breath as I ran through the stairs two steps at time towards the transfiguration classroom.

I woke up this morning with the after effects of a restless night spent tossing and turning in the bed…

My complete body was cramped and sore. I guess everyone is against me now days. First of all, there was my best friend who turned over to the dark side. The dark side which was out to get the blood of people like me...Blood they considered beneath themselves…I still feel a chill run down my spine whenever I remember my last encounter with the dark two years back.

"No…don't go there Lily"- My mind whispered.

I won't think about it. I have a bloody class right now and I am not going to devote even my days thinking about it- Wasn't it enough that I had to relive the horror every time I closed my eyes at night? -I asked to whoever was assigned my guardian angel.

Was there really any guardian angel for me? With my luck I really doubted that. May be God just forgot to assign me a guardian angel

Anyways enough rambling… I have a day full of all my favorite classes right from transfiguration, charms and potions. I'll concentrate on that.

With that I turned around to look at the watch.

Oh Merlin! I couldn't believe it. I had classes in 15 minutes and I was still in bed. How come my friends left me sleeping and the most important question was –where the hell are they?

I was just about to shout to Marlene when I remembered where I was. I no longer slept in the Gryffindor girl's dormitory. This year I was the head girl and I had a well furnished in fact an exotic and royally comfortable room exclusively for me. I missed my friends but I enjoyed being here where I can do my work in peace. Though now a days I often found myself with thoughts that distracted me from my work.

I have always taken pride on my calm and orderly nature. But nowadays my life resembled a mess. I always got flustered around James. I was beginning to feel like super sensitive radar for James. I could sense him without looking whenever he entered a room.

My heart beats went haywire and so loud that it could be heard by anyone within a few kilometers and my face started giving competition to my brilliantly red colored hair.

I was not able to speak even one word in front of him. I know everyone including him thought that I was a bit rude towards him but the truth was I was unable to form a coherent thought around him.

I know I was behaving like a lunatic but I seriously didn't knew how to behave around him ,when after loathing him for 6 solid years, I fell truly…madly…deeply… and irrationally in love with him.

It all started from that day back in fifth year when I first found his note. At first, though I was touched by his gesture, I never believed he will follow through his promise. But he proved to be a man of his words. Not once he bothered me after that day. He even stopped hexing innocent bystanders in his way.

At first I felt very skeptical but after one year I had to admit that he has changed. I even started missing his attention which he gave to me and it made me angry at myself. After the sixth year exam papers me and my friends were planning a picnic near the lake out in the sun.

We just gathered all the food and drinks in basket and took a blanket with us. We were chatting around merrily, talking about all sorts of stuffs from our vacation plans, Boys to dresses etc.

We were teasing Alice about how she always went tongue-tied and blushed red near Frank Longbottom, one of our fellow Gryffindor. Suddenly a scream pierced the pleasant sunny weather and we were jolted out of our cozy chit chats. My heart jumped to my throat as I thought of the last time I heard someone scream like that.

I took out my wand and ran towards the source of that noise. I didn't have to go a long way… I located a screaming boy, first year by the look of it, screaming and thrashing wildly in the arms of one and the only James Potter who was standing on the cliff by the lake. He was smiling and saying something to the boy…most probably a snide remark of triumph on whatever stupid prank he and his fellow marauder pulled on that innocent kid.

A fit of rage broke through me. I thought he had changed but no that arrogant blabbering prat will never change. I remembered the scene that had passed last year in this very place by the lake. How dare he humiliate someone again in this very place…Whatever happened last year had no effect on him…and here I thought he had changed? I felt like a fool for even hoping for that.

"Let him go right now Potter" –I yelled. He looked up startled but let that boy slide down to the grass. He still had that stupid grin on his face when he looked at me.

"Hello Evans"

"Shut up Potter…So you have stooped to this level? Hexing first-second years…Couldn't stand against someone of your own age"- I growled.

"Merlin no Evans… This time you are way off the mark…you should do better than that…" He taunted and then started laughing at his statement like some poor sick joke.

I was infuriated. I wanted nothing more than to snatch away that stupid smile of his face. My mind traveled to the event that happened last year at this very place. How he had tormented a person moreover my friend and stood smirking with the same stupid grin. I was seeing red.

SMACK!

Everyone was shocked still. Even the birds seemed to have gone silent for a while. Everyone was looking at me surprised. My friends were standing there with blank expressions on their face. Hell! Even I was shocked at what I did. I had just slapped James Potter in front of whole crowd of people. But what was most shocking was the expression in James' eyes. He stood there as if he couldn't believe what just happened. Then his eyes changed expression. They showed hurt, betrayal, embarrassment and above all resignation.

I was just standing there braising myself for his anger. But I didn't come. Without a word James turned around and started walking towards the tree where he had been originally sitting.

I was too shocked to even apologize. I know what he did was wrong and I have hexed him a lot many times to count but this was different. I knew I had crossed a line. Suddenly I was wrenched out of my thoughts with a person taking a hold on my wrist and turning me towards them.

I turned around and cringed. Sirius Black was towering over me with a murderous expression on his face. Normally I am not very easily intimidated but this time I really feared for my life.

"Who the hell do you think you are Evans?"

"You prosecute people without even knowing their actual motive …Who the hell are you to judge people"- He stormed.

"I…I was just… "-I tried to speak but he didn't let me interrupt.

"You consider yourself above all and you think you are an angel sent to help everyone and the world is as you perceive it to be…Let me make it very clear to you princess… You are the most Hippocratic, arrogant bitch I have ever seen."

Padfoot!- Remus tried to drag him from there. I looked towards him. I flinched to see him so very angry. He was just not shouting at me like Sirius because he was a gentleman. But I could see that he wanted to more than yell at me. He was trying too hard to restrain himself and Sirius too. But Sirius was having none of it.

"No moony…Let this miss goody two shoe hear for once the truth about her. You Evans jump at every occasion to accuse Prongs for everything which goes wrong…Have you ever considered for a fact that he may be right for once…"

What the hell was black going on about? James… Right?Sue me…  
>but seeing the mood black was in I thought it wise to keep my mouth shut.<p>

"Come Evans…have a look"—He pulled me towards the lake. Standing on the cliff I looked down to where he was pointing.

OH MY!

What were those creatures? And what are they doing in this lake.

Below were some bizarre looking creatures. They were about six feet in length and enormous with stings on their scaly skin. The most ferocious part of them was their sharp, pointed jagged teeth. Oh my sweet Merlin…I think I was about to faint when Black again turned me away from the lake.

"Do you know Evans that this boy was about to fall in this lake…and your arrogant toerag saved him from a very early death…The boy was shocked so he even tried to soothe him in his own way…and topmost of all do you know this boy is from which house…Slytherin"

Startled I looked up to see that boy nodding his head furiously with every word black spoke. Black again spoke- "Now tell me Evans… is this your reward as a prefect for saving someone's life…Is this-"

"Stop it Padfoot"- James voice came from nearby. He had come back to take away his friends with him. I hadn't seen him looking this serious in all the 6 years I have known him.

Hot white guilt bubbled through me. My voice seemed to get stuck in my throat. I was trying to coax a word out of me when it all happened suddenly. One moment I was on the cliff and the next moment I found myself in water which was swarmed by those ghastly creatures whose teeth could put Piranhas to death.

Oh God! I was going to die.


End file.
